Missed Opportunities

I’m small mad. At myself. That’s why I’m here writing at this time. 11:21pm, 28/11/2021.

Writing helps my recurring thoughts. And I’ve been having a lot of these and self-doubt this period.

For someone who goes around like she knows plenty; I fuck up. A LOT.

The only reasons it’s ‘small’ mad and not ‘big’ or ‘BIG’ mad is

1. I cannot change anything right now. I’ve sent a mail, let’s see what happens.
2. I was probably not gonna make it. Not self-depreciation. But I didn’t realistically utilize my allotted time to practice when I should have. Past results in similar situations have shown me.
3. This would change my career trajectory AGAIN. So nah.

I just hate that there’s a tiny possibility that all of this won’t have mattered, you know?

Self-sabotage is a real thing. Mine is procrastinating till I forget or the deadline passes or is short and I do shabby work.

I have to forgive myself though and move on. Make sure I never feel this way again. I’m learning that timeliness can actually make that difference.

Now, to focus on the things I CAN actually do something about.

Reminding myself again…

GO FOR IT, BECAUSE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES HURT MUCH MORE THAN REJECTIONS

Edit (29/11/2021): I was given another chance.